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  1. Wealth
June 17, 2011

Paging Dr Blair!

By Spear's

Tony Blair recognized Labour was dying, and put the party into remission with a transplant using organs from the Conservatives

Ed Miliband, apparently, has been given six months to ‘prove himself’ by senior figures in the Labour Party. But does it really matter who leads the Labour Party? Labour was founded to give the working class political influence and a welfare state, which made it perilously close to a single issue party, unlike the Tories, who, as a result, and despite the occasional spasm on the right or left, remain relatively healthy.

But how could Labour survive after it accomplished what it set out do? Once received opinion accepted its essential ideas, Labour began to die. Tony Blair recognized this, and put the party into remission with a transplant using organs from the Conservatives. As an operation it was very drastic and might have killed the patient entirely. Only the greatest spin-surgeon of our age, Lord Mandelson, was capable of performing such complexities which, even then, left the party worryingly schizophrenic.

David Miliband would like to perform a similar operation, but it would be dangerous to let such a junior medic into the operating theatre. Besides, lacking the polished skills of Lord Mandelson and Dr. Blair, he might drop the forceps or, worse, drop his famous banana down the patients’ throat, destroying its vocal chords forever.

Frankly, I can’t see anyone in the Westminster Clinic capable of saving Labour. Maybe, it’s time they admitted defeat and went home.

As for an opposition party, calm down, dears. From what I hear, it won’t be long before the Tories and the Lib Dems will be slugging it out – and there’s no rage so vicious of that of a Coalition partner who thinks they been deceived. By the end of the year the Westminster Clinic may not have a single free bed.

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