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  1. Wealth
April 11, 2011

Brown's Boomerangs

By Spear's

When he was in No. 10, Brown’s ugly temper turned it into the House of the Flying Mobiles

When he was in No. 10, Brown’s ugly temper turned it into the House of the Flying Mobiles, but what we didn’t know was that he was wont to throw boomerangs around HM Treasury too, and his boomerangs are coming right home to where he unleashed them. The sheer incontinence of New Labour’s finances under the man named after the colour brown is simply breathtaking: his idea of Prudence turns out to be a haggard, bald, old Harpy ridden with unimaginable diseases.

The worst disease was surely the annual increase in government expenditures, which he called “Investments”, until the point that the outgoing Secretary of the Treasury left a note for the incoming Coalition saying: “Sorry! We’ve spent all the money and there’s none left!” Then, there was the fiasco of the tripartite regulation of the banks replacing the good old Bank of England: this didn’t begin to work and Brown dumped the resultant bill for £165.0 billion from the collapsing (Scottish) banks onto the taxpayer where it had no charter to go. And all the while, he turned his blind eye to Britain’s uncontrolled immigration as the Social Security budget went out of sight and over the hill.

The one-eyed git then sold 54% of Britain’s gold at the bottom of the pricing cycle, at a cost of £7.0 billion. Then he ordered up two enormous aircraft carriers (Scottish jobs again) for £5.5 billion, a cost that prohibits the MoD from buying any aircraft for them, and that’s when they’re finished in 2022, while the UK has no aircraft carrier or planes to fly from them for the next twelve years, because the contracts placed by the incontinent one cannot be cancelled except at a prohibitive cost.

Then he spent £4.6 billion buying 53 Eurofighters to butter up our European partners, but they don’t work and are being retired in just three years’ time, while the Eurofighters patrolling the no-fly zone over Libya cannot direct their bombs to target unless they have a Tornado flying alongside them! Then, when he had lost the election, his Chancellor attends an Ecofin meeting over the week-end and butters up our dear European partners again with a commitment to the euro bailout fund, and now we’re on for a £4.3 billion loan to Portugal, where our trade is just £500 million pa!

Brown bust the Treasury, the taxpayer, the MoD budget, the Social Security budget and just about every other budget he touched, or just even looked at. He was quite the most hopeless PM and Chancellor in the UK’s long and glorious history – up to 1997, that is. Anyone who achieved one/tenth of his catastrophic record in the day-job would be fired without compensation for “Gross Negligence”. I suggest that an angry crowd forms up in Raith and puts him in the stocks until the red ink from all the rotten tomatoes thrown in his direction equals all the red ink he left behind in Whitehall.

At least Ed Minibrand could use the opportunity to deliver another one of his trade-mark speeches during a commotion, praising the Trade Unions and the late but unlamented Mr Jack Jones, the former Communist Party member, who succoured and sponsored this money-destroying vampire into power.

Well, at least Ed won’t have to worry about getting into that position, but – Hey Komrads! – how about The Iron Cross with Extra Sickles and Bald Eagles along with the Red Cross of Saint Prudence for all the damage wrought on the UK capitalist economy by the man named after the colour brown? He deserves it, along with a collapsing dacha in the middle of Nowhere!

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