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  1. Luxury
October 16, 2012

An HNW ABC: UVW

By Spear's

The penultimate instalment of our lexicographical endeavour, a dictionary for the super-wealthy

The penultimate instalment of our lexicographical endeavour, a dictionary for the super-wealthy
   
     
        

U and Non-U: Nancy Mitford’s classic beau monde/infra dig linguistic dichotomy no longer applies, since the new super-rich set their own standards for taste. So long, sofas and napkins! Hello, settees and serviettes!

U-turn: What the government does not do. It merely refines Plan A.

Ultra High Net Worth: If you are reading this, do you need to ask?

Underwear: What your wife finds in your pocket.

University: This is where you assemble your future cabinet/board/executive team. Make sure to join a society or two at university — the ones where you smash up restaurants and thrust cash derisively at the owner are particularly good. See also: Bullingdon Club; Coalition Government.

Upper Class: See: U and Non-U.
   
    

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Valentino: Farrow & Ball’s latest shade, a rather attractive terracotta.

Value: Forget this — it’s price that counts.

Value at Risk: According to Wikipedia, value at risk is the chance your portfolio will lose a certain amount of money over a certain period of time. When your wealth manager starts talking about this, he’s trying to indemnify himself. Don’t let him escape!

Venture Capital: Forget Plan A — this is what the government needs to be encouraging: co-investing with HNWs and institutions putting their money into promising start-ups which will, at some point, boost the economy. Or not. But at least you
gave them a go.

Viagra: Stiff penalties for its misuse.

Vickers Report: A popular work of fiction which imagines a dystopian world where retail and investment banks are separate.

Virgin Islands: Attractions of these charming islands include saying hello to your money, spending quality time with your money and saying goodbye to your money.

Vodka: See: Gin.

Vuitton, Louis: They burn the unsold bags. Enough said.
  
    

Warhol, Andy: An artist who created the modern world — he single-handedly sired the entire cast of Made in Chelsea while painting Elizabeth Taylor. No, he actually painted Elizabeth Taylor and it took her days to get the acrylic electric blue off.

Watches: You know what they say about the size of a man’s car? Look at his wrist if you really want to know.

Wealthy: A spiritual term applied to those who possess health, happiness, family, friends, interests, etc.

Westminster (Parliament): Seat of power.

Westminster (School): Seat of power.

Wills: The best way to take revenge on your family from beyond the grave by leaving all your money to a cat sanctuary or any of your illegitimate children.

Wolseley, The: A restaurant founded in 1525 by Cardinal Wolsey, archbishop of York and chief interdealer marriage broker to Henry VIII. It has remained on its Piccadilly site ever since with an ambience suggested to Wolsey by a trip to Vienna to visit Charles V.

Worth: See Value.

Writ: The past tense of ‘write’; eg, ‘I writ a sexy email to my mistress but accidentally sent it to my wife.’
 
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