Mario Draghi's Bazooka Was a Misfire

The problem for Draghi is that the Germans have all the money in Europe and so call all the shots, and they are not keen to pay for Nick the Greek and his ilk to lie on their lilos on the beach all day

What was it then, that Draghi Big Bazooka, a plan to save the eurozone or the beginning of the longest resignation letter in the history of central banking? No, as the euro and the euro-bourses wobbled, it was just another case of premature emasculation.

Remember that line from the movie Gosford Park, when the host is murdered after dinner, and the husband says to his blubbing wife, “O, do stop snivelling! Anyone would think you’re an Italian!” One can just imagine Dame Maggie Smith holding her hand up and letting it fold sharply at the wrist: “It must be very disconcerting, when something just flops like that!”

And then continuing: “You mean this Marie Druggie is in charge of all the money in Europe? Now, I do find that very disconcerting, I mean a central banker both of whose names end in a vowel! You mean he said the euro is irreversible? Now, I do find that quite extraordinary! Dear me, Abroad really is impossible!” Quite, ma’am, it does rather bring to mind Old King Canute, whose name also ended in a vowel.

The problem for Draghi is that the Germans have all the money in Europe and so call all the shots, and they are not keen to pay for Nick the Greek and his ilk to lie on their lilos on the beach all day, while they sweat away in their factories making things everyone else wants.

Draghi had clearly been beaten up a bit round at the Bundesbank, the Bundestag and the other Bundes-what’s-its, before he came on air with a death-mask etched across his features. Quite what he will look like at his next appearance before a gawping global audience is anyone’s guess, but at least he has bought some bucket and spade time for Europe’s hapless politicians and its army of useless job-destroying bureaucrats.

The problems will reappear, however, as early as September, when Spain and Italy need to borrow more money. The next shot at convincing the markets will be his last one, if it doesn’t work that time. And the wretched politicians have got to do their bit too, grumbled Draghi.

Like what, Mario? Agree to outright money-printing, as in quantitative easing? Regional gifts to the PIGS in the form of free slop? Turn on the Weimar tap of inflation? Come on Mario, pull the other one: you know the Germans will never agree to anything like that, and who can blame them.

All it needs is a BGO: a blinding glimpse of the obvious, but the powers-that-aren’t in Europe cannot see the simple truth staring them in the face: a single currency across seventeen very different economies does not work, and can never work. One size does not fit any of them, and never will. This crisis will run and run.